My life as an accidental manifester began early. I was always a daydreamer and a planner. The daydreaming I came by naturally. My planning was forced on me as a way to keep track of my homework since I wasn’t very good at time management. Starting in grade school, my daydreaming and total disregard for prioritizing my time forced my teachers and my mom to look for ways to help me get organized. I never stopped my natural tendency to daydream and imagine myself somewhere else, but I learned to be more efficient with my time.
I remember becoming conscious of how I had manifested my own life without taking any control of what I was creating. I was about three months into my separation and had been spending quite a bit of time and therapy wondering how I had gotten to this spot. I looked back on the major crossroads in my life and how I had made my choices. In hindsight I had known I wasn’t honoring my highest potential, I can still remember the feeling in my stomach every time I made a choice I was unsure of, but there was a driving force I was focused on that I couldn’t ignore.
I wanted to have a family. I wanted what people consider a “normal” life with children, and a husband, and a house in the burbs. The thing is, my “other” path not traveled would have been drastically different. I had been offered more than one theater scholarship, but instead took a year off school and started a community college in a rural area. Even in a small community college, I joined the theater department. My theater teacher had New York connections and was interested in helping me get there. I panicked and chose to stay in Washington. I chose keep hold of the vision I had in my head of becoming a wife and mother and staying put where I had friends and family and felt safe. To be honest, I really didn’t have the ability to see my life any other way at the time.
Please don’t misunderstand my opinion on being a wife and mother; women who are able to do these two jobs well from beginning to end without screwing up two or three families in the process have my utmost respect. The eleven years I was married were some of the most miserable years of my life, and I have myself to blame for the most part. As an accidental manifester, without taking control of the life I was visualizing, I forgot to include important details about the life I wanted. I forgot to visualize myself with a loving husband that wanted a family and wanted to build a life with me. I forgot to visualize my house in the suburbs of a town in Washington or Oregon within driving distance of friends and family. I forgot to visualize myself happy.
I was about eight years into my very miserable marriage when I started taking a more serious look at the art of manifestation. I realized I had exactly the life I had asked for. There I was, living in the suburbs of a town 1,500 miles away from home with an oppressive, control freak of a husband that liked to take out his bad mood on everyone, and physically abuse my oldest daughter. As an astrologer and holistic coach, I ran across the topic of manifestation many times over the years and was familiar with all the basic concepts. I had finally reached a point of maximum capacity for tolerating the current situation but had no idea where to start fixing my life. All I knew was that I had exactly the life I had asked for but what I built was more of a prison than a home.
I wasn’t actually looking to “fix” my marriage at that point - I was just trying to fix myself. My ex-husband and I had already tried a couple of times to work on our relationship, but his gaslighting had me convinced I was crazy, broken, stupid, and I was mostly to blame for any of his bad behavior. I was more than 80 pounds overweight, my knees, back, and hips hurt all the time, and I thought that if I could at least lose the weight and start making myself more attractive, maybe I could get happy and be worth loving. My first conscious effort to use manifestation techniques in my life started with a positive affirmation to lose weight!
I began my experiment with the positive affirmation “I feel happy and alive at my new weight of one-twenty-five.” I didn’t come up with that, by the way; I stole it from Jack Canfield’s book, “The Success Principles: How to get from where you are now to where you want to be,” and he read about it someplace else. I had already tried starving myself, exercising four to six days a week, hypnosis and additives of all kinds - nothing made the scale budge. But simply repeating my simple, rhyming, positive affirmation I started seeing a change I was surprised to notice. I started losing weight!
Here’s the rub - as my layers started to melt away, so did all the things in my life that forced me to keep my VERY LARGE, VERY PROTECTIVE physical barriers in place. Within 30 days of starting to repeat that little sing-songy rhyme, “I am happy and alive at my new weight of one-twenty-five,” I had lost over 20 pounds and my husband had moved out. Again, accidental manifesting had caught me completely off guard, but this time, I didn’t try to force the safe and well-known path; I took a deep breath and told myself, God, and my husband I deserved better. I was starting to get a pretty good feel for how manifesting life changes could work and how quickly the Universe reacts when you start to align your life and choices with your highest purpose. I also started to understand first hand how important the little details are when you are taking control of creating your best life. So, this time around, I am taking my power a little more seriously, appreciating the second chance I am receiving to recreate my life, and I am being more conscious of the details because this time I’m manifesting on purpose!